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What should I wear?
Follow the family’s wishes first. A formal service may call for smart clothing; an outdoor ceremony may need sturdy shoes and a warm or waterproof layer. Ask if you are unsure.
Flowers, donations and what to bring
Check whether the family has requested flowers, donations or neither. Tissues, a sympathy card and a memory to share can be useful. Ask the organiser before bringing food to a gathering. There is no obligation to bring flowers. If there is a donation collection, you can choose whether to contribute.
Where should I sit?
Close family often sit near the front. Follow any reserved seating or the organiser’s guidance; you do not need to sit at the back simply because you are not immediate family.
Children and the ceremony
Talk with the family about children attending and what support they may need. Consider who can accompany them or step outside with them if they need a break.
What happens during a funeral service?
A service may begin with music as people enter, followed by an introduction from the minister, celebrant or person leading it. Family or friends may share a reading, a poem, music or memories. A eulogy tells the story of the person’s life and what they meant to others. Religious, secular and non-religious ceremonies vary with the person’s beliefs and the family’s wishes; the order of service or organiser can explain what to expect.
What is the committal?
The committal is the part of the funeral when the person is entrusted to their final resting place through burial or cremation. At a crematorium, curtains may close around the coffin, or the family may choose to leave them open where the venue permits. The person leading the service will guide everyone through the farewell. Follow the organiser’s directions if you wish to approach the coffin, leave a flower or write a message; these arrangements vary. As the service closes, music may play while people leave. Allow time for others to pay their respects and for the next service.
After the service
There may be a separate gathering to share stories. Attendance is an invitation, not an obligation. If you are arranging the funeral, ask us to explain the sequence and the choices available.
Do we have to decide everything straight away?
You can begin by asking questions. We can explain which practical steps need attention and which choices can wait.
Can we hold a remembrance separately?
Yes. A gathering can be held separately from a burial or cremation. Discuss any attendance restrictions for the service you are considering.
Is a simple funeral the same as a direct funeral?
Not necessarily. Simple usually means fewer extras; direct usually means an unattended burial or cremation. Check exactly what is included before choosing.