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When Christmas brings grief closer

There is room for remembrance, company and quiet time. You can choose what feels manageable this year.

Originally published · By Gordon

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Make room for a different Christmas

An anniversary or family occasion can bring memories into sharper focus, even when a death happened years ago. You may want familiar traditions, a different setting or a quieter day. People in the same family may want different things. Talking ahead can help you make space for those differences without deciding how anyone should feel.

Coping with grief over Christmas- hands holding a candle

Choose the invitations you can manage

You can accept one part of a celebration and leave another. A short visit, a walk or a meal with one person may feel easier than a large gathering. Let someone know if you would like an easy way to leave. You do not owe everyone a detailed explanation, and you can change plans if the day feels different from what you expected.

Coping with grief at Christmas

Remember them in your own way

You might cook a favourite recipe, hang a meaningful decoration, share a photograph or listen to a song. Some families make a toast or leave a quiet moment before a meal. Invite people to join in without making participation an obligation. Private remembrance is equally valid; nothing needs to be posted online.

Candle when coping with grief over Christmas
toasting to a loved one when coping with grief over Christmas
coping with grief over Christmas hang a personalised bauble
Cooking when coping with grief over Christmas
image sharing with family when coping with grief over Christmas
Coping with grief over Christmas image of in loving memory plaque

Stay connected at a comfortable pace

Tell a trusted person what would help: a phone call, practical company or someone to listen. Social media can make other people’s celebrations look simpler than they are. Taking a break from it, or choosing a moderated bereavement community, may feel better than trying to keep up.

image of digital social media channels coping with grief over Christmas

Find further support

If grief feels difficult to manage, ask a GP or a bereavement support organisation about help. The NHS guidance linked here explains support options. Our role is to help with funeral arrangements and practical questions; professional bereavement support can offer a different kind of help.

Call 0800 206 2210